Lately, I have been struggling with imposter syndrome, which I know means I am dealing with burnout. It’s not just burnout, though, because I am able to be creative throughout my time. Instead, I feel somewhere stuck in between burnout and creativity.
When I first joined Tik-Tok, it was a fun and inspired a burst of creative ideas for music. The ideas remain and come to fruition, but the platform decides who gets to see my work; and though whoever the algorithm decides gets to see it is certainly more than no one seeing it, I know I am 1 amongst billions of creators.
All of us creators on Tik-Tok vying for those 3 seconds of someone’s attention.
If I think about it that way, it can impair me.
When I look at my content from the numbers perspective, especially on Instagram (which I feel may be a total waste of time and energy at this point) I feel discouraged. “All these people to see and no one cares?”
I get little to no interaction on my posts across all platforms. Even here. I have always struggled with not getting the reach I want organically on social media and it often leads me to feeling not good enough. I’m aware it has to do with wanting attention.
I will fully and wholly admit that I long to be famous for my music. I’ve dreamed of it my whole life. I’ve tried to let go of the desire but it’s always there. Likely, it stems from being outcasted as a child and then subsequently through my life. I struggle with it daily.
However, if I choose to use the knowledge that the algorithm does not even show my followers my content, it can mean I have free reign to be as creative and experimental as I want. Especially since I do not yet have a solid fan base for this new project.
I’m beginning to forge more of an idea of what Salty Moon Arcade is; more imagery develops in my mind as the music progresses.
In my youth, I used video games, music, movies, and television as my refuge. Though my time is now more focused on music, art, and my little family; these other worlds are still my refuge from a world that is too violent for my brain to process.
Salty Moon Arcade is an ode to my places of refuge.
A game from my youth that allowed me to quiet my mind was Atari’s Pong.
I created an animation in Procreate inspired by it (seen above).
I was also practicing creating more fluid movement of an object; I figured a moving dot was the simplest way to practice.
When I finished with the animation, I exported it as an animated mp4 and imported it to Adobe Premiere Rush; then added a clip of a song doodle.
I think it will be fun to create very short clips of song doodles added to some of my visual work.
I’m able to marry my passions to create the environment of Salty Moon Arcade.
My focus must remain on creating from passion, and not attention seeking. It can be hard sometimes, because I do feel envious of those who are more recognized for their musical work, and those who seem to have it easier than me.
Even though I have been working on music my whole life, Salty Moon Arcade is still in its infancy! I must stop trying to sprint at the beginning of a marathon, and I must stop allowing self-imposed and preconceived pressures to make me feel inadequate.